A few years ago, I had the opportunity to work with an executive coach. It was part of an executive leadership training program for work meant to provide focused, one-on-one time to work on specific areas of improvement. The course was an intensive weeklong on-site program focused on self-reflection and personal development to better understand your strengths and weaknesses. Along with four of my colleagues, I intended to expand our abilities to lead people more effectively through better communication and appreciation. Let me tell you if you’ve never taken such a course, it’s hard. It can be painful. And eye-opening. In preparation for the course, each person had to complete several assessments, including a 360 Leadership Assessment. The assessment is referred to as a 360 because it involves gaining the perception of a person’s leadership strengths and areas of potential improvement from colleagues, specifically those who report to the executive, several peers within the company, and the person’s boss.
Executive coaching is intended to transform your mindset from focusing on problems and roadblocks standing in the way of success to focusing on interesting challenges and opportunities. The Executive Leadership Program identifies core challenges to work through; some of these can feel like a bolt of lightning to your core when you learn how others perceive you. My coach, Jenny, was good. As my ‘thought partner,’ she challenged me as much as she supported me. She could tell when I was hesitating, not truly answering her questions, and skirting a complicated topic, like managing my emotions. With me, her preference was to meet in person. I was good at redirecting, and Jenny knew the phone gave me a level of anonymity that meeting in person did not. I could not hide in person and was forced to address the topic we were working on.
I wondered if I needed a therapist. I had a block, and Jenny knew it. During our next session, she guided me through a visualization exercise to help me relax. When we finished, Jenny asked me to describe the memory or scene that had popped into my head.
My memory took me back to the mid-seventies. I was about five. A pleasantly plump girl with dark hair cut like Dorothy Hamill’s mushroom haircut that was all the rage, I was wearing a yellow organza t-shirt with grass stains on the shoulders and jean shorts smudged with dirt. Pulled down low over my ears was my favourite red baseball cap with an extra-long brim, as was the style. It was faded from being worn and washed so frequently. I was playing in the pasture across from the house. It had waist-high grass that had gone to seed with wild purple phlox and yellow alfalfa flowers smattering the gentle rolling hill. The fun for the afternoon was running to the top of the hill and rolling down like a log, progressively moving faster until I was rolling so quickly that I was out of control. I would come crashing to a stop at the bottom of the hill.
After one last run, I lay breathless on my back, panting and giggling. Staring up at that early afternoon sky, I watched the fluffy clouds move lazily by, looking for shapes to identify. As I lay there, a delicate white butterfly came into sight. Fluttering in the light breeze, it landed briefly on each stalk of grass and flower along its path. Within seconds it fluttered above me, dipping lower and then rising as if trying to decide whether to land on me. After what seemed like an eternity but was probably less than a minute, the butterfly flitted away.
The breeze blowing around me was fragrant/rich with a blend of sweet, fresh-cut hay with a faint hint of fermented corn coming from the manure pile in the feedlot. Eventually, boredom set in. I popped up and ran back up the hill, chasing the butterfly from its perch and making grasshoppers in my path jump as they hurried to flee. Back at the top, I laid down again and continued my careening log roll down the hill, enjoying and playing the rest of the afternoon away.
When I finished describing my memory, there was a pregnant pause. Eventually, Jenny said, “Wow, that is not where I thought this would go. Based on where we were in our discussions, I expected a negative or unhappy memory. The fact that you gave a positive, happy memory shows your level of resilience. Very few people I have worked with have this capability. You need to find yourself another red hat. Let it be your talisman, something to focus on when things are not going your way and when you’re frustrated or angry. Let the hat remind you of that happy memory and help you reframe negative thoughts to positive ones.” It was my turn to pause. I didn’t know what the exercise was for, but I knew with utmost certainty that remembering that day brought me happiness and a sense of inner peace. For the first time since I started working with Jenny, I began to get a sense of what I was missing and searching for. The Girl in the Red Hat is the story of my quest for happiness, inner peace and learning to be accepting and comfortable with just being me.
Originally published on October 25, 2020 (https://girlintheredhatblog.wordpress.com/)
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